|Not very nice but colloquialisms just the same. (just fill in the blank with a word of your choice)|
"you annoy me like a wet leaf stuck to my __"
"they don't put foundations under s___ houses"
"I'd rather board you than feed you, even if you sh__ the bed!"
"he's like a one-legged man in an a__ -kicking contest".
"oh, go sh__ in your hat" - only say this to a grump!
"want in one hand, sh__ in the other, and see which one gets full first."
"remember, (name), don't eat any yellow show"
"it's time to make like a princess and pee"
"you can't pee up my back and tell me its rain!"
"like a fart on a hot griddle"
"I'm busier than a cat covering cr__."
"queer as a three dollar bill."
"colder than a well digger's a__"
"so full of sh__ his eyes are brown"
"doesn't know his a__ from a hole in the ground"
"couldn't pour p__s out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel."
"when I was hard I was soft and when I was soft I was hard."
"colder than a witch's t__ in a brass bra"
"slipperier than a witch's t__"
"two ax handles wide across the a__" - large behind
"two ax handles and a rain barrel" - really large behind
"a horse that sh__ fast don't sh__ long."
"fell a__ over tin cup"
"go p__ up a rope."
"tighter than a bull's a__ in fly time"
"not worth a patch on his mother’s a__"
"cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"
"faster than a striped-a__ jaybird"
"a__hole deep to a ten foot indian"
"wouldn't say sh__ if he had a mouthful"
"didn’t know whether to sh__ or go blind"
"so drunk he couldn't find his a__ with both hands"
"never cut a fat hog in the a__ with a dull knife"
"face as red as a jaybird's a__ in pokeberry time"
"not tough enough to kick the sh__ out of your own pants"
"so weak you couldn't knock a sick wh___ off a sh__ pot"
"food tasted so bad the dog had to lick his a__ to take the taste out of his mouth"
"a__ as big as a $40 cow"
"mouth as dry as popcorn fart"
"hotter than a cut mink" (spayed)
"didn't know whether to sh__ or wind his watch"
"not worth the scrapings off a hound dogs a__"
"as full of sh__ as a Christmas turkey"
"hotter than a June bride in a feather bed"
"harder than a whore's heart"
"colder than a witches tit"
"dumber (or crazier) than a sh__ house rat"
"hanging around her like flies on sh__"
"sh__ or get off the pot."
"does a wild bear sh__ in the wood?"
"busier than a cat covering sh__ on a tile floor"
"hornier than a two p___ered billy goat"
"stiffer than a wedding d__"
"more nervous than a whore in church"
"useless as t__s on a boar hog"
"you think with you’re a__ instead of your head"
"as sure as sh__ stinks"
"colder than a well digger's a__"
"colder'n a brass monkey's a__"
"busy as a cat covering sh__ on a hot tin roof"
"happier than a pig in sh__"
"up s___ creek without a paddle"
"a crock of sh__"
"looks like a crow sh__ him on a fence post & the sun hatched him out"
"acting like a b____ in heat"
"tighter than a gnats a__ stretched over a rain-barrel"
"don't have a pot to p___ in or a window to throw it out"
"shaking like a dog sh____in' razor blades"
"built like a brick sh__ house"
"I'll be dipped in sh__ and rolled in bread crumbs"
"Up and down like a whore on Saturday night."(something that fluctuates wildly like our current stock market.)
"frog's a__ watertight?"
"actin' like her t___ got caught in a wringer"
"You look like you have been drug through a knot hole a__ backwards."
"like a fart in a glove"
"I am broke as flat as p___ on a plate"Eeyes are sh__-color brown."
"pleased as p___ 'n vinegar."
"her a__ is as big as the broad side of the barn."
"10 pounds of sh__ in a 5 pound bag"
"dumber than sh__"
"thin as p___ on a plank"
"can't find his a__ with both hands"
"up to my a__ in alligators"
"doesn't know his a__ from page 13."
"so confused he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his a__"
"couldn't find his a__ with both hands and a coon dog"
"slicker than puppy sh__ on a wood floor"
"as tired as a whore on nickel night"
"busy as a bull's a__ in fly season"
"on her like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat"
"like sh__ through a goose" - meaning fast
"He doesn't have enough sense to pour p___ out of a boot."
"pleased as piss 'n vinegar."
"he wouldn't know sh__ from Shinola"
"he doesn't know his a___ from a hole in the ground!"
About the Author
Lisa Jay is a freelance writer and the jewelry designer behind Lantana Designwear. You can visit her websites at http://www.LantanaDesignwear.com and www.JewelryMakingHQ.com
Be sure to sign up for her newsletter at http://www.LantanaDesignwear.com/signup_newsletter to receive information on jewelry, fashion and womens issues.
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